According to website I need a spanner another trip to b&q well I tired the bashing it trick again and I cant hear it drip so maybe it will hold out a wee bit longer. Fingers and toes crossed please...

Progress??

Well the day at work isnt going great at all, but Mondays are never my best day. Several people are commenting on my patience though and how I seem very calm..if only they knew!

Tap well Ive asked several people how to fix and I am amazed they have all said get a plumber in..hmm too stubborn for that so Im going to lool now for a "how to" website.

Mood wise changeable very much like the weather which it is cold out there. Still hope to be home at a decent hour though so I can go for a walk, hope that also helps me to sleep!

Positive Planning (not calling it a list)

Ok here is my plan for today!

Get up on time - Check in fact I was up earlier

Be Positive - Ok not feeling too bad

Have a spectacular day at work - need to

Find plumbing internet site with instructions on how to change washer

Buy bits to change washer

Leave work at 5pm

Go for hour walk to combat any stress of the day

Omelet with salad for dinner

Fix tap

Ok that shouldnt be too hard should it?

Hog news, well much as I thought last night it was too cold and wet for any romance but they still managed a rolling around session. I think also one one has stayed over too, I wonder where she is sleeping? Makes me laugh though as she now keeps trying to get into his box knowing full well he is in there and she sits in the porch tormenting him! Funny hogs.

Well Im off to have a great day!

drip..drip...drip....drip...that blinkin tap is driving me mad!

Hogs so far well one in each box, she was pushed in there by him! He has just gone off hunting now but too wet for romance tonight I think. They never stray far when its cold and wet I fed them in their porches tonight so they didnt have to go too far for food...yes spoilt hogs I know

My mood well odd, feeling very tense for some reason and oh wide awake again surprise bloody surprise. But im ok I think. I need to be more positive about things though and see more good than what isnt good, but will work on that for this week.

Ok my week list is..
1. Go shopping
2. Cook a meal that isnt pasta
3. Have a good week at work
4. P11d/b
5. Go for my walk every night
6. Be in bed by 10.30 each night
7. Sleep
8. Improve my mood
9. Post only happy blogs
10. hmmmmm

Not a bad list will see if I can manage it!!!!!

Well just before I went to the shop I tried to stop the tap from dripping, so turned the tap and guess what..yep it carried on going round and round water was coming out..so turned off at the stop and thought *********** it!
Remembered to switch all the taps on (although Im not sure why you do that) went off to the shop. Was not going to let it stop me enjoying my afternoon, so came back from shop had a quick look at it bashed it a few times. Then it seemed to catch now Im not a plumber at all, but the tap now seems to go the over way if you want it to switch off or on and the dripping has stopped! However I know I need to get it looked at, I will turn off at stop each time I leave the house I think.

So went for my normal walk not far about 2 miles I guess. Was lovely and sunny and the church yard was peaceful. Saw many birds highlight was a lovely blackcap and countless chaffies. Now its just starting to rain..timing eh?

Well most tax done still have to do p11d/b but thats easy..so had a shower now off to the shop then off for a walk so will catch you all later....

Quick break from looking as to why I owe the Tax man 2p..hmm might just pay it so I can move on but Im sure I dont owe that..

On hog front well still 2 here and they are still going through the rituals of mating (pleased im not a hog) it looks as though it would hurt all that bashing and rolling around, cant be all that bad as she keeps coming back!

Im still listing much to my annoyance, even when I look out the window Im starting to list every thing I can see out of there, could close the curtain but then I wont have the daylight coming in. Think I will just have to learn with listing and try not to let it bother me too much.

My mood? Well its ok as I get more jobs done (list) I am starting to feel better. I know I need to go shopping but I keep putting that off. I need to fix the leaking tap though as that is driving me mad drip drip drip drip and so on. Hmm wonder if I should just swallow my pride and get some one in. Well I will have a look first and see what I can do..

I was thinking last night how we all exchange pleasantry's with one another however then no-one really listens to the answer nor probably cares. We all do it everyday..hello how are you? As soon as we have said the word you our minds have switched onto something else, maybe I will try and listen for the answers too. Im not saying I do this with everyone indeed I dont, but there might be some-one who isnt ok and may need listening too.

Oh thats another list I made last night too, 5 things never to say to some-one who is depressed.
1. Cheer up
2. What do you have to be depressed about
3. You will feel better
4. You arnt depressed there is no such thing
5. Think of how lucky you are

GRRRR how about trying these

1. Ok I respect that and when you want to talk I am here for you
2. Yes eating all that chocolate and sitting in a darkened room really would help you
3. Here is my pillow go and scream as much as you want


Ok maybe 2 & 3 are a little over the top, but no 1 thats the winner, let me know you can empathise but not sympathise and that is the key thing. I have been to counselling on several occasions and hey if it works for you great but it never has for me. I think that is one of the reasons sympathy rather than empathy. Although maybe I just didnt find some-one whom I thought I could tell the whole thing to...Oh thats another thing sometimes you can be depressed with out any reason at all, you could be having the greatest day in your life yet it feels like you have your head stuck down a loo. Then there is nothing to talk about, ah I think that is where the counselling didnt work, as sometimes I have no reason...nothing to say as to why I feel like it, better if there was I could then work on that but some times I am just down and thats me, thats never going to change Im not suddenly going to become a different person with different feelings. Im not going to suddenly have higher self esteem because some one is trying to build me up, doesn't work like that..if only it did.

Nope just have to accept that I am me and this is how I am, and if you cant then Im very sorry but Im not being anyone else and cant be changed into anyone else.

Oh well back to the books

Well he tried again but all he got was a cold bath...poor hoggies

Well Im sat here trying to feel tired. Had a look at the TV and well there is nowt on that I want to watch, think DVD nope dont want to watch them either. Music well that takes longer as I dont know what I want to listen too. Had Norah Jones on..nice but not quite what Im looking for. Ok try Starsailor close but still not what I need, will listen to this cd then think again..

My mood, well its kind of unpredictable, one minute im up next minute im down, think I will feel better after a good sleep. Felt like a zombie today at work even put the air-con on to try and wake me up and drank a redbull, but was still yawning, not good.

Hogs tonight a very small scrap one hog was rolled around, but apart from that, oh and a showy hog (do hogs show?) not that much really. I was late out with dinner again and hog was upset with me. I havnt as yet managed to get that close to them. When I put out their food I talk to them so hopefully they will get to recognise me and of course they must smell me on their dish. The hoglets are easier to get close too, as they know no different. Hope to be able to get some colour pictures too...one sec cd change, ah lets try some floyd dark side of the moon, that may be it! Oh yes hogs..well one did go into new box tonight had a sniff came out then went into old box, but hey its a start.

I can remember listening to floyd when I was about 15 I had it on tape and would play it over and over again really loud through my headphones, never really heard music like it before the way it can take you on a journey and the way it made me feel..the way it can carry you up then drop you again. You can almost feel the pain in some music or maybe it feels yours? There are certain songs I guess we all can listen too that can reflect our mood, I think I have the right one here.. Blimey its odd when I think back to when I was 15 or even earlier and the thoughts I had then and the dreams I had of how I thought life would be like, or at least how it should be like. Suppose we all did that in a way, the perfect life with perfect job..wonder when I realised life wasnt going to be perfect..hmm let me think. Too be honest I dont think I have ever wanted that perfect life just something close would be nice, still whats perfect? Thats what you get for singing out loud with your eyes closed!!!

Im home YIPPPEEEEEEEEE

Came home and there was some teaspoons darting about in the tree..lovely they always make me smile, also some greenies were darting about making the funny noise that they do. I realised I havnt been doing much of what I want to do of late so I need to work on being a bit more selfish in that area. Problem is Im not a selfish person. Hmm makes me think of making a list of all my attributes and marking the ones I could do better on. Oh thats another thing about me I love making lists even if I dont write them down I normally have about 4 mental ones on the go. Drives me a bit nuts at time but very useful. Only thing is I feel more down on myself when I dont achieve whats on the list. Hmm going to make a list of all my lists then burn it. Then I will be listless. Then I will make a new list of the things I want to do...oh and the cycle begins again..

Now you see why I drive myself mad???

Well 3 hours to go and Im clock watching. Ive been a bit stressed of late, trying to do too many things. Not only work but there is the business too that I am having to run, trying to sort out that is giving me a headache!

My day? Well so far Ive been on the phone for most of it dealing with others problems. Which is fine I dont mind doing that, even had to get my stroppy voice on for a number of them. Im a very placid person but any injustice against others and well thats it.

W/E hmm well got payroll and end of year to run, stack of post needs opening and sorting out so trip to Cambridge is off ho hum. No new i/r light for me as yet. Might try and get out some where on Sunday but as to where I dont know as yet will have to think on that one.. well best be back to work

I really do not want to goto work today.... I know its going to be a battle and to be honest Im getting quite sick of it. Every day I come home and I just want to scream or cry. Oh crap Im not even the type of gal to phone in sick either unless proper poorly and cant get out of bed. Oh well Deep Breathe, smile on face and its off to work I go..

On hog news, well back and fore all night it seems eating and drinking. Think its the female who has now claimed the box. Other box still standing there empty, still too new I guess. Really hope for a hog filled w/e YAY its FRIDAY!!!! Oh Pete will be pleased :)

Ok very quick run down as I have chores to do and shouldn't really be on here! Last night saw some lovely hogs getting a bit frisky now I though that this would be too early but well mating is from May - September so perhaps this is the trial run. However Mrs Hog is having none of it at the moment so mr hog is going to have to try a lot harder if he will win her over. Looking forward to some more hoglets though.

My day? Well been a bag of crap, far too much for my fingers to type so forgive me but Im not, needless to say I feel extremely washed out, done in, hacked off (I would normally be swearing at this point) and completely fed up. Still new day tomorrow which I hope will be better as I cant cope!!!!!!!!!

Well best go and do my chores after all they arnt going to do themselves now are they, oh if only...

Im sure its Runty

Well I am now a fire marshal, the course was quite fun actually, not run by young hunky firemen but ah well. Also got an early finish, lovely sunny day here, so I faced my fears and went to the back of the shed and got out my nemesis..THE LAWNMOWER.

Assembled the mower, ok that went fine, right how do you switch it on then. I know you have to pull the pulley thing. I pull the pulley thing and nearly fall over, not working. I look to see if there are any instructions..nope. Ok there are too leavers on the mower pull on of those tug the pulley thing nothing. Try both the levers pulley thing nothing.hmmm. I text Russia..how do you switch the mower on? I wait and no answer. I try again all combinations I can think of, I even check their is petrol in the damn thing, but no it wont catch. Then I notice a button that says prime, what does that do I press it, now it says press it 3 times, but as I am a woman I press it 6 times. Try again Yay its started, but as I have both leavers pulled in I go flying down the lawn.

So I stop and pick myself up and try again, it is off. Right shall I go for Wimbledon stripes or just push and see how I go.. Hmmm the latter happened, now the grass isnt as much grass as moss, which kept clogging up the mower and it was making some strange noises. My lines well they are wavy but hey it may start a new trend. Mr Robin also kept having a death wish and flying and sitting right in front of where I was about to mow (silly bird).

The first mow of many is done its not great but its done, I did worry about mowing near the hog boxes so I have left an area around them, I dont mind if they have a little wild area. Talking of which they were scrapping again last night, one hog was in the bowl whilst the other hog was pushing the bowl and hog around, quite comical really, silly things.

Im feeling quite proud of myself plus its another job ticked off my list..hooray!

Not much hog action tonight, mind its blinkin cold! Oh I cant sleep again, I feel wide awake like its daytime and the sun is out. Still I know its not, good job I dont have to be up early else I will feel done in all day.

You know when you get that feeling that there is something niggling at the back of your mind and you dont know what it is? Well thats me tonight, something in my head is struggling to get out and try as I might I cant just reach it. Annoying oh yes! I use too many !!! Will try to cut down on ! usage. I often wonder what people really think of all my jumbled rambling to me well I live with it everyday so am kinda used to it now. Am I too honest or not honest enough, what is the point of a blog, do you just want to know what ive been up to during the day? Or do you want to know whats going on in my head? If its the latter then boy are you in for a rough ride!!!

Oh is this going to be another post I delete? Hmm will decide that in the morning. So (I really should limit that too) what can I tell you all that you dont know about me? Im thinking...ah lets talk about unrequited love, ive had several crushes in my life and dont they just beat the hell out of you. Nowt worse when you really fancy some-one and they dont show it back to you. so crushing and then whats even worse is when you see them off with some-one else. Mind the thing is that they probably dont even know that you like them after all did you tell them..erm nope, would you...nope. So (again) then really its my fault after all if I had said something then it may have turned out differently..oh the benefit of hindsight eh? So would I tell some-one now that I liked them...erm nope, ah well there's no hope for me!!!

I get told a lot that I put myself down well there is lots of reasons for that which I may go into another time, dont feel like dragging them old ghosts up tonight. However(oh i like that word) I do have low self esteem have done from probably about 8 I think, always first to put myself down before others did so I guess then just grew up that way. I once got told I do it because Im looking for sympathy and that I should get a grip! Hey thanks! I dont think I do, Im not good at taking compliments I dont blow my own trumpet. In fact Im quite shy and most of the time fairly quiet. Im not one of those that has to be in the lime light, Id rather help others get there, which is why I think my career path has never been as it should. I will help everyone around me rather than push myself forward..im the one in the background doing all the work. Oh I make myself sound such a catch! Im pessimistic the glass is always half empty here, self critical and extremely self aware (and I wonder why im single) If you are starting to feel sorry for me, please dont I dont need or warrant it. Im just feeling awake not being able to sleep and waffling...hope you read this quick pete its likely to be zapped!!

So where do I go from here..well bed first to stare at the ceiling for a few hours then its a new day....Ok from tomorrow I am going to try and be positive and tell people how I feel (yeah like that will happen). Ok enough for tonight, this is strangely addictive I feel like I want to just go on and on and on..still bored you enough! So poll 1. do I use to many !!!? poll 2. Shall I just tell you about day stuff or head stuff? Its up too you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Back at work blues

Dont know what is wrong today, but Ive been a right dizzy daydreamer all day, often found myself just staring into space not thinking about anything particulary just daydreaming!! Its not good!!! Still first day back at work today, was ok fairly quiet and no dramas. I have modified the new hog box to a smaller entrance the other one was a bit large as the wood snapped! I seem to also have a large number of texts today on mobile, most unusual for me, but then a number of people of late have been moaning at me for having my phone switched to silent or not with me.

One thing that does slightly erk me is people who withhold their numbers and then do not leave a message, so you dont know who has phoned or what they wanted. Still am trying to keep phone with me and not on silent to keep everyone happy! I should perhaps change the ring tone too so I can actually hear the thing when it rings.

Got great hog video footage of the scrap last night, poor hog was being rolled about like a ball, still thats nature I guess. Hopefully they will settle down, now Im thinking they must be both males, but Im sure one is female, will have to wait and see on that one.

Apart from that not much has been happening, Im currently listening to sheryl crow, an album from 1996 cant think of the name off hand, was one of the first batch of cd's that I bought! Was so proud of my cd player, it had been tapes up til then. Trying now to think of the first album I ever bought, ahhh was depeche mode..violator I think, yup im old enough (just) to remember vinal!

Im on a fire marshals course tomorrow, dont really want to go but I suppose some one has to do it! I bet its not run by hunky fireman either..oh well Id better find something more productive to do I guess

Scrap!!!

Story of a hog box!

From this...

Progress pics

To this!!
Now just got to clean the house, and jump in the bath!

Last minute

Thats what my name should be changed to..why O why do I leave everything to the last minute. Its last day of holiday today and I have realised that Ive got an awful long list of things to achieve, so did I get up and get straight to the jobs at hand? NO, been buggering about with the hog pictures. Ok will make a list and all non-essential things will have to wait til the w/e and then do the essential things..

Essential things
Buy some raisins for birds..mr thrush wasnt happy with me this morning as I have run out.
Buy a Box and convert into hog house..hmm wonder how many times I will cut myself?
Food shopping for me, well ive got some pasta in so could do that after work tomorrow
Payroll + end of year, well cant do that too early as the Inland Revenue keep telling me off so that could wait til the w/e. Will get it all out and ready then do that this w/e
Get ready for going back to work tomorrow (sob)
Cut the grass, well its too wet still
Recycle, can do that on the way to the shop

Ok Im happy with that list, will just wait til I burst into action...waiting..waiting

On another note, both hogs came back again last night lots of coming and going, really great to see they are both healthy and quite largish. Im thinking that one of them is runty from last year, as he would only eat sunflower hearts wouldnt touch anything else. The other is a slug killer, so not too sure who that is as none of them last year ate slugs! New hog also treated me to watching her go to the toilet before going to bed, ah well better just at your front door than in your bed I guess.

Right Im going to go and get some materials, will post some pics later if thats ok?!

The problem with me (well one of many) is that if Im going to do something or start something I get completely anal about it. For example now my financial situation has changed Im now examining every penny I spend.

Please do not think me as being up my own **** but ive not had to do that for a while, certain jobs have come with accommodation and no bills, and currently had reduced bills, I earn fairly good money and well to be honest never really had to think about the price of things. Not that has always been the case, there has been a time when I havnt had a penny to my name largely due to the fact that my boyfriend at the time decided to empty my bank account and run up debts on my cards. At the time I had nothing to make it worse I was also about to loose the house I was living in with no prospect of getting another..has to have been one of the worse times in my life, I remember at the time having no food and no money and eating some chocolate chip things I found that were a wee bit old to say the least!

Anyway im off subject again.. So now Im a responsible grown up with bills, it has got me thinking of waste, now Im fairly old fashioned in that I think all the bills should be paid firstly then what is left is left..so here are my priorities..

Rent - could get cheaper but I like it here
Council Tax - hmm dont start me on that one, but thats been paid for the year
Gas - gas heating and hob, well heatings not on anymore, got plenty of jumpers plus its getting milder so wont have heating on, hob yes I do use but if I boil stuff I always use kettle boiled water etc.
Electric - pretty good with that too, tv isnt on much, any non essential things are unplugged, like the microwave why have it plugged in to tell you the time, I have a watch thanks. Lights I use low voltage, the cams are low voltage, pc well I could cut down there I think
Water - metered so already try to limit. I shower dont have many baths, I can wash up once a day that will save some water.
Hog food - hmm thats a tough one
Bird food - hmm again a tough one
Cigarettes - hmmm Ok an ideal opportunity to quit, but not yet, I could smoke roll ups (un lady like) that would be cheaper
Internet - thats one thing tomorrow I will be looking into try and get a cheaper ISP
Food - The way I shop is a bit silly so I can change that, but well just now I went down to waitrose (last time) now 2 bits of chicken one costs £2.50 the other is organic £5.50, but the cheaper one looks crap, all sinewy. So I buy the organic and blow my food budget for the day. Im planning to make some weekly menus so will be easier to shop for.

There it is my list of priorities, am sure I can shave some more off the bills if I really try plus will be better for the environment! I dont have a car so no cost there(must tell you about my driving). This budgeting will become my new obsession every penny will have to be justified, oh I just know im going to do my head in!!!

2!!

Yay finally I cant talk about Hogs instead of me. Oh bet you are pleased too! Well 1 hog went off from the box last night then came back with another hog. Pleased you saw them too Ron. 2nd hog got stuck into the food and drink then followed 1st hog into the box only to then kick out 1st hog. I think they are the adults from last year and the year before, but its not that easy seeing who they are on cam, if it is then its hedge and hog (original huh?). If they are back tonight I will try and get a better look at them to see.

Other news, well the starlings are making lots of noise this morning, greenies and chaffies now seem to be back on a regular basis. Ive only seen 2 blackbirds this morning so I guess they others have gone off to find a garden of their own. Lovely and sunny outside, I may even cut the grass today, well I will think about it first! I feel a bit sad though for obvious reasons, but Im ok. Looking forward to a good race, for once I havnt seen who has won, so hopefully button might get his 1st win, fingers crossed..

Hog!!

A hog is at present in the hog box, unsure as to who it is yet, but looking forward to tonight, really hope its Ickle as I would love to know that he was safe and made it through the winter.

On another note, sorry if anyone read my blog from last night, I deleted it as it was moaning waffle really. Some times I really dont know when to shut up!!