Quick break from looking as to why I owe the Tax man 2p..hmm might just pay it so I can move on but Im sure I dont owe that..

On hog front well still 2 here and they are still going through the rituals of mating (pleased im not a hog) it looks as though it would hurt all that bashing and rolling around, cant be all that bad as she keeps coming back!

Im still listing much to my annoyance, even when I look out the window Im starting to list every thing I can see out of there, could close the curtain but then I wont have the daylight coming in. Think I will just have to learn with listing and try not to let it bother me too much.

My mood? Well its ok as I get more jobs done (list) I am starting to feel better. I know I need to go shopping but I keep putting that off. I need to fix the leaking tap though as that is driving me mad drip drip drip drip and so on. Hmm wonder if I should just swallow my pride and get some one in. Well I will have a look first and see what I can do..

I was thinking last night how we all exchange pleasantry's with one another however then no-one really listens to the answer nor probably cares. We all do it everyday..hello how are you? As soon as we have said the word you our minds have switched onto something else, maybe I will try and listen for the answers too. Im not saying I do this with everyone indeed I dont, but there might be some-one who isnt ok and may need listening too.

Oh thats another list I made last night too, 5 things never to say to some-one who is depressed.
1. Cheer up
2. What do you have to be depressed about
3. You will feel better
4. You arnt depressed there is no such thing
5. Think of how lucky you are

GRRRR how about trying these

1. Ok I respect that and when you want to talk I am here for you
2. Yes eating all that chocolate and sitting in a darkened room really would help you
3. Here is my pillow go and scream as much as you want


Ok maybe 2 & 3 are a little over the top, but no 1 thats the winner, let me know you can empathise but not sympathise and that is the key thing. I have been to counselling on several occasions and hey if it works for you great but it never has for me. I think that is one of the reasons sympathy rather than empathy. Although maybe I just didnt find some-one whom I thought I could tell the whole thing to...Oh thats another thing sometimes you can be depressed with out any reason at all, you could be having the greatest day in your life yet it feels like you have your head stuck down a loo. Then there is nothing to talk about, ah I think that is where the counselling didnt work, as sometimes I have no reason...nothing to say as to why I feel like it, better if there was I could then work on that but some times I am just down and thats me, thats never going to change Im not suddenly going to become a different person with different feelings. Im not going to suddenly have higher self esteem because some one is trying to build me up, doesn't work like that..if only it did.

Nope just have to accept that I am me and this is how I am, and if you cant then Im very sorry but Im not being anyone else and cant be changed into anyone else.

Oh well back to the books