Not much hog action tonight, mind its blinkin cold! Oh I cant sleep again, I feel wide awake like its daytime and the sun is out. Still I know its not, good job I dont have to be up early else I will feel done in all day.

You know when you get that feeling that there is something niggling at the back of your mind and you dont know what it is? Well thats me tonight, something in my head is struggling to get out and try as I might I cant just reach it. Annoying oh yes! I use too many !!! Will try to cut down on ! usage. I often wonder what people really think of all my jumbled rambling to me well I live with it everyday so am kinda used to it now. Am I too honest or not honest enough, what is the point of a blog, do you just want to know what ive been up to during the day? Or do you want to know whats going on in my head? If its the latter then boy are you in for a rough ride!!!

Oh is this going to be another post I delete? Hmm will decide that in the morning. So (I really should limit that too) what can I tell you all that you dont know about me? Im thinking...ah lets talk about unrequited love, ive had several crushes in my life and dont they just beat the hell out of you. Nowt worse when you really fancy some-one and they dont show it back to you. so crushing and then whats even worse is when you see them off with some-one else. Mind the thing is that they probably dont even know that you like them after all did you tell them..erm nope, would you...nope. So (again) then really its my fault after all if I had said something then it may have turned out differently..oh the benefit of hindsight eh? So would I tell some-one now that I liked them...erm nope, ah well there's no hope for me!!!

I get told a lot that I put myself down well there is lots of reasons for that which I may go into another time, dont feel like dragging them old ghosts up tonight. However(oh i like that word) I do have low self esteem have done from probably about 8 I think, always first to put myself down before others did so I guess then just grew up that way. I once got told I do it because Im looking for sympathy and that I should get a grip! Hey thanks! I dont think I do, Im not good at taking compliments I dont blow my own trumpet. In fact Im quite shy and most of the time fairly quiet. Im not one of those that has to be in the lime light, Id rather help others get there, which is why I think my career path has never been as it should. I will help everyone around me rather than push myself forward..im the one in the background doing all the work. Oh I make myself sound such a catch! Im pessimistic the glass is always half empty here, self critical and extremely self aware (and I wonder why im single) If you are starting to feel sorry for me, please dont I dont need or warrant it. Im just feeling awake not being able to sleep and waffling...hope you read this quick pete its likely to be zapped!!

So where do I go from here..well bed first to stare at the ceiling for a few hours then its a new day....Ok from tomorrow I am going to try and be positive and tell people how I feel (yeah like that will happen). Ok enough for tonight, this is strangely addictive I feel like I want to just go on and on and on..still bored you enough! So poll 1. do I use to many !!!? poll 2. Shall I just tell you about day stuff or head stuff? Its up too you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!