My 2006

Well the birds arnt playing today, so you will have to put up with some ramblings from me instead. End of a year is always a strange time, you start to look back on the year, what you have done or not done. Resolutions that you broke (mainly in the first week). Chances that you have lost or passed by. Where you are now compared to then. Of course, what you are going to do differently next year!

Well January started off as many other years do, stood outside with Phill looking at the fireworks toasting the new year, him with a glass of malt, me with a glass of fizzy stuff. By the time midnight comes he is normally pretty drunk, so the next hour is always reflecting and talking about how the next year will be different. Who would have thought back then that this year he will be seeing in the new year in a different country with some one else. Not me thats for sure. But well good luck to him, hope it works out.

February, not so sure much happened in that month, I forgot phills birthday as normal, but instead gave him a surprise party, all organised in an hour!

March was pretty much waiting for spring and the hogs to come back. Work had started to improve some what, it was ticking along.

April, everything changed. Hogs came back, which was great, lots of hog porn recorded. Phill went off to Baku. First time I had been on my own for ages. Whilst exciting also scarey. Things in the house started to break, which meant my DIY skills were tested. Made a new hog box too, which I was very proud of! Also found a lot of time was now spent on the Internet. Blogging had become so much fun!

May, weather gets better so can get out more with the camera. Had to deal with an idiot that wanted me to have a short life (nice guy). Hayfever season started, wasnt sleeping too well, but generally not a bad month. Oh and did a great job on fixing the tiles in the bathroom!

June, sad as Jack passed away. Had some nice trips out to different places when phill came back. Plus I also started to get close to some-one. First time in years. Oh and I started to concentrate on insect photos.

July, well I started to fall for some-one, I was so happy, like a kid again, couldnt wait for their calls, or messages. Life was so happy, I would smile and skip to work, sing happy songs inside my head. My photos were improving too, which was also making me happy. Could talk to him for hours on end, never get bored or run out of things to say. Life was good in July.

August, feelings getting deeper, plans being made. A part of me knew it wouldnt happen, but I was carried along on the feeling. For once in a long long time, I felt hope. Felt like it was finally my time! Also Phill came back, thats when I found out about his g/f.

September, it all fell apart for me. Few days before my birthday, it was all called off. My hopes and dreams dashed. I felt something inside me break. Ok Ok nothing actually happened physically but it was all there, then it was all gone. Birthday was a drunken blur, then it was time to try and get myself back together again. Even then more plans were made, but then taken away again. The other person just couldnt do it, whilst understanding why, I still feel cheated.

October, few hogs are bought in at various times, but are all ok, still coming and still eating like em hogs. I start to go down hill at this point. Thing is when Im rejected I take it hard. Its a hard thing for me to get over. Work changes too, few teething problems there!

November, ok now Im really struggling, so much so trip to the quacks as Im worried that im getting to down, got to the darkness point, if I hadnt have done something then, not so sure I would still be blogging now.

December, this month has flown by, the little pills of happiness are doing their job. I still feel hurt that I missed an opportunity to be happy, or rather life took it away. I still talk to the person, but not so much now, plus there are certain things he isnt really keen on talking about, so I tend to stick to the safe subjects mainly. One thing that does hurt, is the matter of fact way it is now (when we do, well normally me asking questions) talked about. Something improved his end, so guess the gap was gone, I wasnt needed to fill that gap anymore, therefore not needed anymore. However, got new camera (YAY).



Well im sure there was much more, you can always look back over the blog if you want to. Well how about 2007 then. Well this year, Im not going to make any plans or resolutions, apart from these.

1. To be happy with out the aide of pills
2. Take more photos
3. Say fuck it and try and enjoy life
4. Say fuck it and try to at least like myself a bit more
5. Only fall for single guys!


Well, I best get to the shop and finish the housework. Tonight I will be toasting alone, could have gone out, but Im not a great NYE type. Maybe if the clouds clear, might get some firework shots at midnight.

But, to you all I will raise a glass and hope that 2007 brings you everything you want. May your hopes and desires be fulfilled. Remember never give up on something as its too difficult or you might just be giving up on something that could have been great.