Shut down
Firstly thanks for your comments, not warranted but its nice to know you all care. Im now in shut down mode, shuting myself off to everyone really. Its just what I do. Im not able to do chatting, not able to even talk about the weather. When things get bad I close off, go into myself and will not let anyone help me. The more reasonable part of me knows that this isnt the way to deal with things, but hey after 31 years of doing that, its hard to change now. Think its harder as all day long I have to be the happy postive chatty type, when I get home Im so tired that I just dont feel like talking to anyone.
Maybe its just a break I need, feel sorry for Birgit having me for a few days, Im hardly chatty right now, but who knows maybe the sea air will do me some good. I just cant get my head round this, I really cant. I know the past is the past and to be honest it doesnt really affect me that much now, of course I would rather do with out it, but its more the future that scares me now. Scared that this is how I will feel forever and ever. Scared that im just not getting better, well some days are better than others, but still coming home and just sitting and crying. I refuse to get a higher doesage though as I dont want to end up like a zombie, or sat in a chair rocking and humming to myself. Not quite ready for that as yet.
So If I have or do shut you out im sorry, but thats just what I do, if im allowed to do it.
9 comments:
I wonder if there are any meditation groups where you are? The thing is (I think) you are not supposed to change how you feel. You are supposed to feel it, revel in it, roll around in it like a puppy! That's what I was told. This is called "mindfullness." I went to one last Saturday and was amazed. Get some books on meditation. Also...bad times are very good in the poetry department. Have you read Emily Dickinson lately? Life is so much more real when its hopeless, I have found. Feelings are utmost and you'll be surprised later when you look back on the journals you write now how rich in feeling they are.
Nic, you must do whatever you feel comfortable with and if that means shutting us out, then so be it.
Just remember that we are all thinking about you and that we wish you to get well.
Boo xx
Living well is the best revenge. Treat yourself to something nice, you deserve it.
Chin up 'ole girl! Lifes full of ups and downs and although you probably can't see it now, you will come out the other side.
Know what you mean about shutting yourself off, it just seems easier that way sometimes but if you make the effort to get out, it can be a real pickup. Have a great time with Birgit, I'm sure you will enjoy it. How lovely it will be to stroll along the beach with the waves crashing against the shore.
Looked for you on Jeremy's site but not much there now! Forgot the name of your blog but found it while I was looking for something else. What a strange coincidence.
Hope the hogs are well.
Thinking of you.
Tony x
Jeremy can get lost - he's too 'big up himself'
a new wildlife forum has started up - have a look at http://www.sinergylarp.com/wildlifeforum/index.php
Nic.
when you want us you know where we are and will be
Tony
click on the new forum link on Nic's blog
Nic, I look forward to spending a few days with you. I don't mind if you feel chatty or not. I'll take you to some nice places where we can walk and just enjoy the scenery if the weather allows it. Bring your camera! xx
Come back soon Nic, you are missed. Lots of hugs coming your way. OC
http://video.google.nl/videoplay?docid=-4584913278289860160
This is about the rescue of the horses in the Netherlands. Really heartwarming!
Boo xx
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