09 December 2006

Today

I knew it would be a bad day as soon as I woke up, I couldnt get out of bed, the mind was willing but the body sadly lacking. I dont know whats wrong with me but I just cant seem to get over this at all. Im back to square one again, crying for no reason at all, just sitting there and crying. It wont stop and im getting so fed up with it now, fed up with talking about it, fed up with feeling like it,fed up with taking the pills everyday, fed up with fighting it every day. I just want to hide, hide away and never come out again. Its like everything around me has turned very black all of a sudden and I dont know how to make it bright again.

Thing is I dont want to have my dosage increased Im already on these for the next nine months the last thing I want is to be even more dependent on the pills, I so hate taking them, Im thinking of stopping them to be honest and just trying some time with out them, but then the sensible side of me says thats not the right thing to do, im not strong enough as yet to stop them, dont know what the consequences would be.

Im sorry for keep going on, im really trying but everytime I seem to get some where, im just slapped straight back again, just getting very tired of it all now

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well your bird photos are beautiful. I wonder what kind of a camera etc you use. I love them. I think you are terribly hard on yourself.. like judgemental or something. If you dont feel like getting up why not stay in bed? Whats wrong with that anyway? Please give yourself a treat today and tomorrow. You deserve it. A split of Perrier Jouet would be nice. or a new winter hat and mittens. whatever. just treat yourself as nice as you treat others. youre a very nice person according to the way you report things and others response.

Boo said...

Yes Nic, you are being too hard on yourself and expecting too much of yourself! You are a very kind and sensitive person, be nice to yourself. Whatever you do though, don't stop the pills! It could have an adverse effect on you. Talk to your doctor again, if you need to increase then that is what you must do. Take all the help you can get.

BIG BIG HUGS