Apologies

But if I dont get this out, im in danger of taking steps backwards and ending up as mush again!

Im sick of being used, but to be fair im more angry at myself for letting myself be used. Not so much as used, but I suppose to be fair ive made the rod for my own back. Always putting myself out for others not moaning, just getting on with it. However when I ask for help then its not answered.

Im mad at phill firstly, he is over in russia with the g/f, he text me to ask if I could spare him another week as he wants to stay on. Whilst understanding this entirely after all if you find love grab it with both hands and do all you can to keep it. But he has responsibilities here, mainly the business, it needs sorting out, I spoke to him the other week expressing my concerns, which he agreed we would sit down and sort out. I can do it all, but only if I know which direction he is heading in. Im concerned the lack of money coming in and the increasing bills running up. However he is the type of person that doesnt worry about stuff. What will be will be. This is fine, but normally means more work for me, as when he does make up his mind I will then have a shorter time to sort it out. Now its ok for everyone to say, dont do it dont worry, but I have a link to this too, I dont want to get fined, plus the thought of not doing it fills me with dread. Im not one for not completing a task, just un heard of. So thats not an option.

I just need to try and get his head out his pants and back to reality. As I said I understand he is in love, but well that doesnt pay the bills!

Secondly Im mad at myself again, for still feeling down, still getting annoyed at things that I have no influence over at all! Why oh why do I have to keep beating myself up over it I dont know. There are things in life that we just cant or I cant change so need to accept it and move on! A prayer springs to mind, but cant think what it is now.


Well apart from all that, I tried to get some new boots today, now being completely anal about my footwear, its no surprise I didnt find any. My current pair have been with me for about six years now. If there is one thing Ive learnt is not to buy cheap shoes! Tried one pair on, but we didnt bond, so they went back on the shelf. Problem is mine are starting to break, I could perhaps try and get the re-heeled, that make them last a bit longer! I did however get a new outfit for the christmas do, thank god for tescos! I had to move some money over from one of my not-to-touch-savings-accounts, but hey ho!

Ive got new neighbours too, havnt seen them yet, its the normal making up furniture banging! Apart from that they seem pretty quiet, hope they like wildlife!

That feels better, sorry for moaning and all that, but sometimes I just have to get it all out so I can draw a line under and move on.. I know I will end up sorting things out here, but to be honest thats who I am. I sort out stuff, im a gap filler too. Have a gap I will fill, then when you dont need or have that gap anymore I will fade into the background again waiting for the next gap.