Keep kidding myself
Through out today, Ive been trying to convince myself that im well and that I dont need to be on the pills. Think its the fact that I feel constantly sick, im having to force feed myself and generally knackered. I did do something I have never done before though, I told a colleague of mine, now the normal response is, do you really need pills, when I was depressed etc etc. Which I smile and tell them Ive been on and off them since a young age. That I try and fight as best I can, but sometimes it wins, it is a cycle, I can fight for so long, but in the end.....
Now you know how much I hate sympathy, so I always turn the conversation around, end up talking about them or what they went through, im not great at talking. Sometimes I am, but generally not. On here it is easier, so I guess over the next few weeks or whatever its going to be about me and how I feel.
Anyway, right now all im thinking is I wish something nice would happen to me. Not just work stuff or anything like that, or even finding the man of my dreams! Just something nice, something to make me smile for real and not this plastered on one that is starting to hurt my cheeks. Just something that will make me forget all the crap thats going around in my head and make me think..you know what my life isnt that bad and its not that bad being me.
NB I know that I have a good life and there are a lot worse people off than me, but right now I cant see it, not so much self pity as self loathing, but I just though I would say that.
3 comments:
Hey, my shoulders are broad, I can take anything you throw at me. You need to get it out of your system, so moan away!
Don't take any notice of your colleague, everyone is different. You have tried fighting it alone for such a long time. Take all the help you can get.
WE all love you, so we WILL listen!
You could try to spoil yourself a bit. What do you think of chocolate? Buy some expensive chocolate bars and let them melt in your mouth little by litte. Then make your bed as comfy as possible with an ultralight down duvet. Keep the room as dust free as possible. Arent there some special treats you can find for yourself. Hope so.
This is your blog. You can moan as much as you like. It's good to get it out. And we want to know how you really feel. That's what friends do.
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