Be it...dont dream it..
Ok Im aware that I havnt updated for a few days, I have been very tired due to mainly burning the candle at both ends, working long hours and generally being a wee bit stressed with it all.
Im not normally a stressed person, most who know me will testify to this, although those that know me better will tell you its because I keep it all inside. I have this really good habit of hiding how Im really feeling, then denying all knowledge about it. Why? I have no idea, sometimes I think that I enjoy feeling that everything is tragic, if it wasnt then I wouldnt know how to feel. Actually its because thats how I was bought up, to hide all feelings of upset and just to get on with it and for goodness sake dont tell anyone.
The above is the main reason why I shut myself off, its so much easier to deal with in that way, plus the reason why I push people away. Hey I just dont want to get hurt again, Im scared to let anyone get close again, in case they fuck me over and im left again picking up the pieces. Ironically the main reason that relationships have failed are for two reasons. No1 Im so scared of being hurt, I push away until Im not able to actually be with. No2 I have this vision in my head of how it should be, I cant compromise on this, Ive tried and this has ended up in some pretty poor relationships, where Ive tolerated to the best of my ability some annoying chap, until Ive wanted to put sharpened twigs in my eyes.
Talking of which Ive also got an eye infection that is driving me mad. Constant itching and gunky eyes...nice!!
Really I guess what Im getting at, what I am asking is there an ideal out there, or am I just dreaming?
Still all the above is better than unrequited love, that really is a fucker (sorry for language boo)
4 comments:
Hi Nic, was beginning to worry about you, sorry you are a bit pissed off again. :(
Hey another coincidence - I have gunky itchy eyes too at the moment, particularly my left one. I keep sticking my finger in it which doesn't help, but I've just dragged out a millet seed! No bloody wonder, lol! It's been in there at least two days I think.
Hope you will be on chat tonight. :)
Hey its me again! Have you tried using the Search Blog thing on here? I just put in "hedgehog" and there are 74,000 odd blogs which match! Bloody hell. Of course some are to do with Sonic etc, but wow. I'm now off to try some other ones.......!
Hi Nic,was really knackered yesterday, so did nt comment on anything, hope your feeling better today, it does nt help with all these tests you have to do, what is the world coming too, why can t people just get on with doing the job.
Have you tried bathing your eyes with a little salt in boiled cooled water, thats how I treat my buns eyes, and it makes them better.
Thanks, Im ok just get a little tired from time to time.
Jan I will try the search for hog blogs lol
Pauline I have lotion for my eyes, it is working too, although this morning its a little swollen, so I putting ice on it to take it down, so I can go out without making small children cry!
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