Oh crikey

Where has this year gone? Its blinkin August tomorrow, soon be Christmas!!! I know its meant to get quicker with age but this is ridiculous it really is. What happened to the long lazy days of summer? The nights are already drawing in. I havnt even made all the plans of what I wanted to achieve before im erm, erm, erm another year older! Ok so I guess the best thing I can do is start to plan what I want to have achieved before im erm erm erm another two years older, feel free to leave recommendations..

Its really chilled down here some what at the moment, rain it feels is imminent. What happened to the sunshine and the nice hot weather....Contrary moi? OI Im allowed to be ;)

Well another new setting

On the camera to confuse me, good job I have great reassurance!

Other news, I seemed to have a huge break out in spots on my face. Well actually im not sure if they are bites, as they are bumps rather than spots. I use anti-spot wash everyday, plus face wipes too, Im not obsessed honest, so Im quite surprised ive had this outbreak. I wont go into the details (you will be thankful) but they arnt like normal spots, hmmmmm something attacking me in my sleep maybe ?

Have I mentioned music

Laid in bed this morning with a cup of tea, Hey its allowed its Sunday! I wake up to music and fall asleep to music every day. Anyway ive a new favourite song so thought I would share, go on the link scroll down you can then view the video and listen to the song.....its fantastic!!!!!

New Fave Song

.


The Bonnie tyler came on; total eclipse of the heart, of course I was reduced to tears, now if you can listen to that song with out crying, then Im amazed. It was followed by Maria Mckee; Show me heaven. Think some one is trying to tell me something. Well im up now washing has gone in the machine, accounts will be done, well thats the plan anyway.....

better photo

Looks much better now, thanks again

Photos

More challenges

Well, need to load software onto new pc, then restore the accounts from the floppy disks that I make back-ups on. Just one small problem, the new pc doesnt have a floppy disk drive!!!! Didnt even enter my head when I was in staples to check for that, I just thought that they would come as a standard. So unplug all wires, whilst keeping fingers crossed the old one would start up again. It did, so copied onto a dvd disk, then made them into a file and emailed the restores to myself too as back up.

Swapped wires back over again, it worked YAY. Stress levels go down again. I then waited for some motivation to come along to actually get me started, none came, after several cups of tea still none came. Phone rang, so was distracted again, but that was good.

After phone call, sat again at computer loaded up the payroll, now it doesnt take long to do, but its really just getting me started thats the problem, I can put stuff off til the last minute as I know I can still get it done, hell I work better under pressure anyway. SO went for a walk up on the fields was lovely and cool, the air was quite fresh and was so much easier to breathe. In fact at one point I thought I was going to faint as I seemed to take too much oxygen, I went all woozy and black dots were in my eyes. Still it soon passed, took a few photos see above, but really it was too windy as everytime I had the subject in focus a gust of wind would woosh it out the way again.

Well now I guess Id best get to the shop and get some tea, then I might just might just might...NO I WILL run the payroll........honest

It must be the month

for things breaking down, you already know about the computer, well the tap now has started to drip again, its the cold tap this time, not sure where I put the other washer either. The speakers on the stereo are fading in and out too, wonder if its a loose wire?

The thing in the "house that Phill wired" is that everything is wired into everything else, for example we dont have plugs we have those junction box things, where all the wires go in. All the cameras have been wired by him, he made a wire to go from the video to the pc so I cant add anymore as I dont know how he has done it! At the back of the tv its a mass of wires and tie wraps, actually Im sure the house is held together with tie wraps, mind Im very much guilty in too, they are amazing they just hold stuff together, plus come in all different colours and sizes.

So Im sat here and trying to decided which speaker it is, now this isnt too easy as one of my ears doesnt work properly, sounds are particularly annoying to find. Once on a holiday in Tunisia my friend pushed me up for one of the "games" (actually she kept pushing me up for them) well one was you had to be blindfolded, a bell was rung and you had to follow the sound, could I do that? Could I fuck, apparently it was very funny to watch me walking the complete opposite to the noise, good job I can laugh at myself. Another one was where you had to kiss as many blokes in the room as you could in 3 minutes, I couldnt really be arsed with that one!!!! One of the entertainers asked me up to the DJ box too, I declined his offer went to the loo and bugger me he was outside waiting for me, he tried to kiss me too, all I saw was this huge tongue coming towards me, I ducked and swerved he ended up kissing the wall..close escape that one I can tell you!!

Oh im off subject (how unlike me) SO Im trying to figure out which one is fading so I can look at the wires, we have plenty of wire here, Im thinking If I choose the wire thats the same colour it may work? One speaker is under the desk, where all the computer wires are, I also found a hub under there the other day I didnt even know existed!! As I said the house that Phill wired.

Talking of Phill, he isnt too happy at them moment with the job, well Im reading between the lines of his text, which was he will be back next week if things dont improve. But I know this is just letting off steam, he probably needs a break, which he will get in September he should be back around the 14th. So of course I will look after him and comfort him, providing the ultimate relaxation experience (yeah right!!!) No I am nervous of him coming back as its been 3 months, dont get me wrong we got on just fine the last time he was back, but there is always that slight tapping at the back of my head. It will be nice to have the company, but not the moaning! Boy can he moan, normally at me!!!! Guess thats just his way of showing he cares.

God really off subject now!!

Ok the temporay tile job needs doing again as the tiles are starting to unstick themselves from the bath..Oh Joy, really liked that job. The shed door has gone al weird, as has the gate, but can live with that. The boiler is taking ages to warm up the water again, but I might just play about with the settings, it was only put in last year so surely that cant be breaking too ?!!?!?

Oooo rain

Well it came, the thunder the lightning, the rain....doesnt feel that much cooler but not as hot so hope for a better nights sleep. Unfortunatly my mind is racing, cant stop it Im darting from one thing to another. Still at least its friday tomorrow WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Blimey

Its so humid this morning, I can hardly breathe. Last night was very difficult to sleep, we had some rain but not much, it certainly hasnt made it feel any cooler.

Hogs still havent had any young, wonder if they have been unsuccesful due to the heat. Ive also heard that the area may even have a watering can ban soon if we dont get any rain. The poor beds are looking so dry, the plants are starting to wilt. It is forecast for thundery showers today though, mind they did say that yesterday too!

Oh well, Id best shake a leg and be on my way....

flutters

Sorry not a very informative blog of late, I seem to loose so much time, during the day and the evening. Of course I will try to dedicate more time, but just doesnt seem enough time in the day of late, I enjoy my hour and half walk in the evening, up on the fields, its much cooler and so empty. They have started harvesting seems early to me, mind when I was up at the w/e I did think that it was ready...can take the girl out the country etc...

Was a very familiar sight to see the combine churning up the fields, although the dust wasnt welcome! Quite amazing really, have watched it grow from nothing, now its life is over...oh god Im now feeling sorry for the corn..god help me please!!!!

Bump

Went my head this morning as I tried to get out the bed the wall side! OUCH! The shower head was set to high so got a woosh in my face, then the milk curdled on my cereal.

Didnt have any more cereal so had to have toast with nut butter on...mmmmmm but I will be hungry by mid-morning now..

Hmmmm think this will be a good monday (not)

What a clever chap he is

I think Mike needs to write me an idiots guide to editing!!! Thanks again!

few photos from short stroll

I of course did try to get some of the business stuff done too, reloaded some stuff but was too warm and too nice a day to be sat indoors! Had a nice stroll, loads of flutters about too! Also loads of crickets, they were HUGE too. Nice to be out on the fields as it was much cooler, had a nice breeze running through the corn..

Oh dear

Get pc sorted, cams sorted and no bloody yahoo!!

Its much cooler here after the rain, so ive been using the time to catch up with some stuff, got Turin brakes cd on, nice and relaxing but feel a change coming on, not sure what though I want to listen too, amazes me ive many cd's but will only listen to a select number! Ah sod it will put nina simmone on. Thats better ish, hmm may change it again in a wee while.

Suprisngly after not much sleep this week I feel wide awake! Ive got the new keyboard and mouse working in the end, hey it was easy really ;)

So much to say with so little words to say it in, I often get like that, head racing ten to the dozen but can never find the words I want to say, or end up stuttering, as I normally do at work. Think the problem is my mouth cant keep up with my head, when I used to work with old boss it was fine, as I could talk a load of crap and she knew what I was on about. Aww she is such a lovely lady, found out last year she had ms, really not fair at all, if there was one person in the whole world that didnt deserve that its her. Still she is battling on with it, ive the upmost respect and admiration for that, although as she would say, whats the point in dwelling on it, just got to get on with it.

When she first told me, I was fairly blindsided by it, her family were phoning in tears, she felt like crap. I of course offered if it got bad to push her wheelchair, plus asked if she got a discount..I can still remember her laughing and calling me a bitch or words to that effect. Really pisses me off when some one so good gets something like that. Although Im not a feeling person, I can never find the right words to say, not that I make a joke of her illness at all, but if I can make it a bit brighter then I will. Plus she gets a blue badge so handy for parking....oh that seems cruel but trust me she would be laughing, honest!!!

Well....

I tried to fix the pc, took it apart (lost 2 screws) cleaned it all, put it back together and still did the same. How stressful, just had 2 days from hell, this was all I needed!

Managed to speak with phill, who was considerably sympathetic to me (not) he told me to do a few things, so I nagged, now Im not normally one for nagging as I like to win my case by a good argument or well sort out theory, but sometimes you just have to nag. I nagged, nagged, nagged, swore, cried, shouted. Eventually he told me to replace the pc. Also that he didnt know why I was asking him as I would have done what I wanted to do anyway (true enough).

So last night went to staples, with the help of a very kind chap bought a new tower. He should me how to take it apart and to add stuff if I wanted, I asked him so many q's even he got confused. Now I wasnt sure what I needed, just one that stays on will be fine for me, but he did recommend this one.

Got it home and its a dream! Its so quiet, I keep feeling the back of it too, to check its not overheating!! Which of course it isnt.

Today, few hours at the branch doing some tidying, home by lunchtime, housework to do..yawn! Put the washing out then it rained!!! WHOO HOO. The afternoon just seemed to melt away, now its evening, just been to the shop, nearly walked out with out cigarettes. Just need to load some more stuff on new pc, then I cant start with the arduous task of sorting out the business!! I think ive sorted out the tax problem again, well for this month anyway!

Stuff seems quite back to normal again, less stressed, much happier and more content.

Im so

fed up with the blinkin pc.....nothing works, it refuses to be fixed, I could really do with out this at the moment, I can only get on for 20 minutes max at a time... I dont know what else to try....... Plus with the inland revenue messing up again, work is bad, life isnt easy at the moment.....oh no smoke coming out now, best save this before I blow up...

Quickly

Ok can just quickly update this as pc is on, but I can smell burning so will have to be quick.

For those who have got my number a text would be better than a message on here as I dont know if I can always get on to check.

Just really want to say why is it when something goes wrong it all goes wrong, the pc, Inland revenue are messing me about again, Ive got company tax, vat, end of year plus payroll to run at the end of the month too, with out a computer its going to be hell.

In short Im really fucked off at the moment. Jan thanks, I will let you know, Im going to try and sort this one out, or I will try and get my laptop back from phills brother. Inland Revenue are trying to fine me again, I wish they would just sort it out. Plus im really stressed at the moment.

You know how everything was really happy and going well. Well now its not, so thats the end of that. Im really fed up with everything at the moment, plus it seems like everything now is going wrong. All I can say is I must have been really bad in a former life I really must have been. Well to be fair I guess I bring a lot of it onto myself too.

So if I can get on I will try and return your messages, but well if its urgent you have my number.

From a very pissed off, sick to death, fed up with the whole world me.

This maybe my last

post for a while..the pc seems to be broken, its on borrowed time as I type this I can smell burning, think its really broke this time. It cut out before but managed to get it back on, but for how long I dont know, how long it can keep going time will tell.....soooooooooooo I will say goodbye for now, incase it cant be fixed, I cant really afford to replace it as yet, but will of course take it all apart and try to rebuild it again from scratch, must remember to write down where all the parts go...............................bollocks how many times do I have to do this???

Hot Hot Hot

Phew just been outside and its going to be another hot day! Its meant to change again tomorrow though with thunderstorms (eeeek!) Well I hope you all manage to keep cool. Heard a good tip on the radio this morning, fill a hot water bottle with cold water put in the fridge, when its cold put on your feet and ankles!

Well best get to my 18C air-con office, tee hee!!!!! No seriously you know I would share it if I could! Hope you all manage to keep cool....x

Happy?

Several of you now have commented on how happy my blog is of late, now I would love to tell you why this is...........but I wont!!!!!! However it is also down to the fact that im exercising to the point of exhaustion every day, therefore sleeping better, plus those endorpin thingys are kicking in.

The main reason is im letting myself be happy, not worrying so much or making myself feel guilty about being happy. Without going into too much detail Ive always led my life not allowing myself, actually not being allowed to be happy. Living in fear of letting myself be happy then it all coming crushing down by my feet. Also Ive been carrying something with me for a long time that I have felt extremely guilty about, every day beating myself up over it, but lately I havnt thought about it so much. Dont get me wrong its still there, but its different, its almost like im moving on.. Which before when Ive tried I have pulled the reins back in..

hmmm its sure odd, but im liking it...hey its all good!!!!!!

Its hot!

Apparently with the temps set to rise even further...thank goodness for the air-con at work. Ive worked in many places without it during the summer months and its not pleasant...

I feel really good at the moment which is such a nice change, Im of course wondering how long it will last, but trying not to think too much about it, but just enjoy it for how ever long it does last.

Ive started also to do my kickboxing video too, I used to to it daily which was such a great stress reliever. Although I dont unfortunately have much co-ordination so when it comes to punching with one hand and kicking with the opposite leg, I get quite confused, normally ending up in a heap on the floor. However I will keep going with it as it does make you feel great after, well after you can breathe and stand up again :)

Apart from that not much else is happening, too hot to go out walking, as there is no air about which isnt pleasant. Got another work thing on Wednesday straight after work....YAY!!!!! Still only til about 8pm so I guess not too bad.

New hog (or weedy as Karwin named him) is still staying over in the box, still surprised at this as I would have thought to hot to stay in there. When he/she has got more used to me I will attempt to see if she is a boy or girl. Already have two girls, so would be nice to have a chap about the place again, for them too..

OH well, best go and earn some more pennies.................will skip to work with big grin!!

What a great

w/e.....well work was slow and boring on Saturday, just too quiet, I like the Saturdays where its constant and time flies, not when Im continually checking my watch to see if its home-time yet. Did a bit of shopping in toon, but was very busy and the mass of people started to do my head in a bit. There should be a code of ethics for all shoppers on a Saturday, ie dont keep pushing into me, ramming your buggies into me, stopping right in front of me with no warning, waving about clothes hangers within inches of my eye and generally be annoying. Why is also on one of the hottest days the shops have their heating on, is it just to piss us off even more? You will probably understand from this that shopping is just not my bag, strange as it is to hear a woman say this, but I would rather push sharpened twigs into my eyes than endure that on a Saturday...still I got some new shoes and some toenail scissors so not all lost.

Dash home to get ready for the BBQ, the usual declaration of "ive got nothing to wear" (the downside of hating shopping), settled for jeans, white top and new shoes! Got picked up to go to bbq, was a nice evening but pretty much what I was expecting, work, work, work, work with the odd bit of football thrown in, still its always nice to catch up with people you dont see that often and get all the gossip!

Came home to de-tick ickle, which was fine, had a very late night chatting, but the company was good so didnt mind getting to bed at gone 4 am!! Due to this I had a very lazy day on Sunday, achieving bare minimum really, still I very much enjoyed it!

Now its Monday again :( I dread Mondays as they are always the same for me, normal crap and queries. Well best get my arse into gear and head off......

Ickles ticks

She wasnt impressed and it wasnt easy, but we got there......ewwwwwwww ticks

Too much to do!

Well the w/e is upon us again (well nearly) Im working on Saturday, plus I may ask for some more as I need the overtime, found out yesterday my phone bill was £95, plus last month it was £85 so the purse strings have just got tighter! Also on saturday Im going to a BBQ, if I can find a hog sitter/feeder then be there for the night, if not will have to duck out early. Then Sunday will be a mad panic to get everything else done.

Talking of hogs, think one is going to have to be bought in, I was watching playback this morning and there are a few too many ticks for my liking. I will grab either tonight or Saturday just to have a look or to drop some oil on them. Poor hogs, ticks are YUCK!!!

Well best hop, skip and jump!

More buzzes

Im trying to figure out photo shop thingy, but to be honest its confusing the hell out of me....just took about half and hour to do one photo!!!! There really arnt enough hours in the day at the moment....oh well back to it

another

much improved photo, thanks to mike

More time

But its run away tonight, so here are some photos, not done owt with them!!

Wonderful

Mike has edited another one of my photos...thank you

Oops I forgot

Tim sent me a message it was


hi nic at this moment in time i have planed to be back pestering you tuesday next week,not to sure if i will have the cams though see you later tim

YAY

Just a few

Had a slightly strange day today, which also included a man reacting a butterfly poem to me whilst I was out on my walk!!! Ah well so much too do, so little time...

Rudely awoken

There were millions (I dont exaggerate honest) of jackdaws in the garden, sooo noisy too. Im sure at one point there were about 10 sat on the window ledge tapping on the window, telling me to get up and get them their breakfast. I kindly asked them to wait until a more suitable hour, turned over then went back to sleep! Seems like its been a good year here again for fledglings. Several blue tits, great tits, jackdaws, magpies blackbirds, robins, chaffies, greenies, even the sparrows! Only numbers I have noticed down are with the starlings. Which reminds me Im low on sunflower hearts again. Plus my vandal squirrel has attacked the sunflower heart feeder too, so the lid now doesnt quite close properly, every time I fill it put it back it drops to the floor. I will not post the words that go through my head when it does that, or the words I call the vandal when I see him.......

nearly.....

but not quite. Thought I had a hoglet but turns out it was Ickle just looking smaller than normal. Spent ages out in the pouring rain looking to find ickle and jill doing that funny sniffing thing, under the buddleia bush.

Ah well still time, I really thought I would have seen some by now, this time last year there were 5 little snuffers roaming about...

So how am I? Erm im ok..work is still tough as I cant get my head round it still, I sit there staring into space, then come too and think what have I been thinking about, only to draw a blank. Now im wondering why this could be, there are a few possibilities one being, Im just not interested in the job anymore, ive reached the optimum and I need a new challenge???? Perhaps I need a move again, maybe Im just too comfortable where I am, familiarity breeds contempt and all that. Or maybe something else, not too sure really.

Im really good at getting others feelings and being empathetic or sympathetic but with my own I just dont know. I know one thing I need to really get my head into gear and just get on with it.

Oh this makes me think about past boyfriends (birg shussssh...I still remember that night you first got with james ha ha) I have had some really nice chaps as b/f's but I have come to realise that nice doesnt do it for me. I need a man to be a bloke and tell me to shut up when I rambling (where is one now) else I will just walk all over them. Dont get me wrong, Im not the nasty man beating type, but I can be hard work at times, bloody stubborn, want my own way and if thats not checked then give me an inch and I will take a mile. I guess thats just my nature, I also guess thats why im still single. This must all read qute odd, too be honest Ive just read it back and im a wee bit confused too.....

You see what lack of pickled onion monster munch does to you!!!!!!!

Just a quick..

Good morning! The working week is again upon us, Im also running late (for a change) so best put on the shackles and be on my way...

Isnt it great when you know really clever and talented people, that can take a shot and turn it into a photo worth looking at......Thanks Mike.

some wonku photos for jan!

More walking...

Its to help with my breathing, with the hayfever it brings on asthma too, ive noticed of late that im some what struggling to breathe, so the ideal solution is too increase my fitness and my lungs! Yeah I will cut down on the smoking too, have to now as Ive made a promise, dont like breaking them. Ive only had 7 so far today which is good!!!

Anyway so the plan is to walk 3-5 mile per day, depending on time etc. I want to at least walk for an hour...10 mins warming up, 40 mins all out arm swinging, arse wiggling walking, then 10 mins cooling down walking. Oh dont worry I dont own any Lycra, there was a woman at the shop yesterday (sorry this will sound bitchy, really im not a bitch but have to tell you) I think you should only wear Lycra if you are stick size and even then not in public, well this lady was far from being a stick, I was mesmerized at how she could a) fit in it and b) go out in public like it. No I admire her confidence in wearing it, but there was a little too much on show if you know what I mean!!!

So thats it for today, going to fill up the feeders and water baths. Have a long soak with lots of bubbles, then I may put a film on...hmmm dirty dancing again?

Photos

Oh my legs!!

A few years back now, Phill decides he wants to get fit, which inadvertently means I have to get fit as well. He also at the time decided I should give up smoking, but he hasnt won that battle as yet. Now he is very clever at getting me involved as he knows if it becomes a routine with me then I will carry this on and then end up motivating him. We used to each night religiously go for about a 5-8 mile walk. Now I walk pretty quickly anyway as A) Im going somewhere B) Im normally late. However he walks at a pace that Im sure could win Olympic medals, he also doesnt let me wimp out, one time I went over on my ankle but I was made to stop crying and walk. Sounds mean, but I really need that else I will wimp out of stuff. We had our route which was up to the church yard then out across the fields. At one point he used to get up at 5 am to run as well, but I couldnt get that motivated to get up earlier than needed, to go and run!!

Well today I went for a walk, now I like walking not just because its so easy to do, it benefits your whole body and well you dont have to think about it, just put one foot in front of the other. Walked up to the church, a wedding was going on (aw). Then out onto the fields, now if you walk the route properly its all uphill, not just a small bit uphill, but the kind of uphill you have to bend your head and dig in uphill. Normally you get so far then you turn and come back, today I took another route, all still up hill. My head just emptied, suddenly I realised I had run out of fields, I was on a road, plus I didnt have a clue where I was or where the last half hour had gone. All I knew was that my legs were shaking and my lungs screaming (nothing to do with smoking).

So im on this road, looking back wondering where the town has disappeared too. Now I havnt got my phone with me either, so cant even call for assistance, but figure out if I walk the way I came im sure I would find my way back. Best thing was my head was empty, which was so nice!!!!!

On the way back I let myself relax a bit and take some photos, loads of flutters about, really very pretty, then I walked round another field, picking up the pace again all the way home, which was nicely downhill. I think I should get out walking more often as it is really good for me, helps with the depression too, as I can just completely loose myself, all I am aware of is the motion of one foot in front of the other which is symbolic of the depression too, as thats all you can do, just keep putting one foot in front of the other. You just have to work through the pain, you just have to keep walking..

Ive just realised what Im doing. Im so mad with myself you wouldnt believe. This is the reason why its so much better not to have any feelings or emotions, the whole thing that Ive protected myself from for so long, this is why. Yeah nothing happened, but doesnt meant that it doesnt still hurt. Christ I havnt felt like this of years, for very good reason too. I just dont know how I allowed for this to happen, why I didnt stop it in the beginning. Guess I need to keep a better check of my feelings, dont ever want this to happen again.

Right Im off to get it out my system...normal stuff will resume of course on my return.

well....

...its the weekend, WHOO HOOO!! Strange doesnt exactly fill me with the same joy it normally does. Hey dont get me wrong, happy the working week is done, but I cant seem to muster any enthusiasm. Did all the house work tonight (arnt I good) so that the w/e would be free, so what shall we do?

Ok we can get out and some fresh air would be very much appreciated or we can close the curtains and hide. Im not going to decide that one til I awake in the morning. Im listening to norah jones the first album, very mellow and a fantastic voice. Its one of my hope to fall asleep cd's. Problem is I get listening to it, then want to hear it all the way through (kinda defeats the purpose).

I dunno I cant seem to find the right blog words tonight, lets hope for a more informative update tomorrow....

wasnt I soppy

*coughs* grabs imaginary balls and stops with all the love talk!!! Crikey you will all think Ive gone soft! No you still cant mention the s word though (spiders not sex). Whoo Hoo its nearly Friday, although Id best pull something out the bag this next couple of days else I will be in for a roasting, dont think even I could talk my way out of that one. Ho Hum, lets whistle while we work....

theres nothing better than love

as Luther vandross puts it so wonderfully...

Well I was thinking tonight about crushes, thanks to anna! SO I thought I would share my first crush, I was a real tomboy when I was young, always hung out with the guys, played soldiers etc..well in juniors I was bullied by this girl who took away my best friend then turned all the other girls against me, she used to wait for me in the corridor then used to pinch me (cow) Im off the subject...so I used to hang about with the boys mainly, but well when I was 9 he was 10 (always had a thing for the older man) I was all braces and pigtails, he was just divine! I used to sit opposite him in class and he would take the mick out of my braces, he was the class joker, but I didnt care I was in love!!!

Or at least I thought I was, quite funny when I look back now, the shades of red I used to go. Crushes are great though. When you feel that heat for some one and they dont even know. You spend all day dreaming about how you will be with them one day, well as soon as they notice you! You think of how you wil meet up, what you will be wearing, what you will say, how it will be. Of course in many if not all cases it never happens, but that doesnt matter, it makes you smile on the inside so much it bursts out on the outside. You cant wait for that chance meeting, have thousands of things you want to ask, but darent in case they guess that you are falling for them.

Ah ok im romantic at heart, got me lots of pain along the way, guess I will never learn eh?

Morning!

Well good nights sleep!! I actually woke up this morning feeling lighter than I have done for years (not just because Ive been sick the last few days) Hmm strange, it feels kind of good, maybe I will skip to work this morning!? Ha ha ok maybe not.

Oh I also wanted to say hello to Birgit (pronounced beergit), dont know if you are still reading this or not, but thought I would say Hi. Ive known Birgit since I was at Oxford....shes a foreigner (dont hit me), sorry but I am sure she will be laughing at that remark! Apparently Im really crap at returning emails, I realised this when Birgit sent a mass email of photos, I was on the list, but at the end of the email it said...Nic please let me know you are still alive!! Anyway I think she will agree that I have been much better. Ive set aside some time in the day to catch up on my correspondence so should all be good from now on.

Hey if she says hi, be nice to her!!!

Got to run its that work time again......Its all good!

erm

thanks

Much better

Got a much better nights sleep last night, before I went to bed I put my feet in the bath in some cold water and the same with my hands and writs in the sink to really cool me down. I had also put my pillow cases (wrapped up) in the freezer so they were nice and cool for me to lay my head on. I use to do that for Phill in the summer months, put his sheets and duvet case in there too, then quickly make his bed just before he went to bed. It really works, I got a full 5 hours!!!!!!

Id also put something against the door, which was still there in the morning so no sleepwalking either...WHOO HOO!!!

Well Im off to Luton in a bit, on a workshop this morning, always fun! Still its only the morning, so not too bad. Well Id best me off....

It was 3.30 a.m

When I last looked at the clock! Nice 3 1/2 hours sleep!! Think I will have to get some one to keep poking me today to ensure Im still awake. There was times when I could manage on that many hours or even less. I can certainly remember living in Oxford going out all night getting an hour if I was lucky then on shift at 6.30 am, not exactly bright eyed and bushy tailed, but more than capable of seeing through a long shift! Ah Im getting old!!!!! :((

The other thing that is niggling me, is the door was un-locked this morning, now I am pretty sure I looked it, which means that I may have been for a wander in my sleep. Havnt done that in ages either...must be the heat! The worse time I slept walked was when I was at college, sharing a house with a friend of mine. Apparently (hey I was asleep) I went and sat on the end of her bed and was talking away to her. When she realised I was there she wasnt too chuffed on seeing me at the end of her bed, mainly due to the fact that I dont wear pj's in bed, as I dont now!!! You can see why I am now worrying that the door was unlocked this morning, I will have to wait and see if there are any reports in the paper about naked wandering women!!

Oh crap its monday, off to work I go!!!!!

Toooooo warm!

Cant sleep as its too warm, got fed up of looking at the ceiling, been for a walk, still to warm. Got back to bed still to warm. Now sat in front of the fan trying to cool down so I can sleep. Oh dear Im going to be good for nothing at work in the am!!

Ok back to bed and try to sleep....zzzzzzzzzzz ( I hope )

Lovely Afternoon

Well all the "H" work is done, well as much as I can be arsed to do!!

This afternoon I have been listening to

Zap Mama

Great easy listening sunshine music! If you get a chance download some of the tracks! I keep forgetting I have that site to upload music too. Blimey me forget something!! Now there is a first!!!!

I must

tell you about the dream I had, well snippets really as I woke up thinking of something else so the dream has all but gone, here is what I remember though.....

I was at school, one of the lessons was hanging out washing, which was what I was doing, then one of the teachers said he wanted to take me away, as he loved me, he had asked permission and it was all ok. Next thing im getting ready to go away, Im brushing my hair which is straight and brown (whoo hooo) however I notice that my face is getting really hairy the hairs are literally growing as I look in the mirror, in fact my eyebrow hair is also growing longer, I get this and comb it back over my head to try and disguise it, yeah coz that worked. Then it all changed again, the hairs went and I was left with a fringe (havnt had a fringe in years)plus where my hair was brown, the fringe was blonde!

Anyway get in this car with him, then 3 others got in, he explained he had to take them too, but not too worry. There was a ferry at some point but im getting a bit hazy there, also the teacher disappeared for a bit.

Well got to this town the four of us got out the car and was walking along an alley, when some one jumped out and grabbed me, putting a knife to my throat...eeeek! There was a fight and I managed to get free. Then ended up in this bar and all the bad people were coming into the bar looking to kill me!!! Ran as fast as I could up some stairs and hid in a room. Then the teacher came in, gave me a huge cuddle and said he would protect me and that nothing bad would happen whilst he was there, oh he also asked if I wanted a wee!!! Just as I was starting to relax a chainsaw was being used the other side of the door....

At that point I woke up, it was neighbours but one out with their strimmer!!! Quite and odd dream, I can see all the references too, guess it was just my head putting it all on the right shelves.

Anyway must get on, lots to do!!

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