Ive just realised what Im doing. Im so mad with myself you wouldnt believe. This is the reason why its so much better not to have any feelings or emotions, the whole thing that Ive protected myself from for so long, this is why. Yeah nothing happened, but doesnt meant that it doesnt still hurt. Christ I havnt felt like this of years, for very good reason too. I just dont know how I allowed for this to happen, why I didnt stop it in the beginning. Guess I need to keep a better check of my feelings, dont ever want this to happen again.

Right Im off to get it out my system...normal stuff will resume of course on my return.