Sorry

If I dont get this out, I will be severly messed up for a few days, right now I need to stay focused. Its always the same when I talk to my mother, guilt being the main feeling. Even when I try and keep the conversation short and too the point, I get guilt. Guilt that I wasnt the daughter they wanted, guilt because of getting pregnant, guilt that I didnt stay on pass my a-levels and be in some high powered job right now, guilt that I moved away and never looked back, guilt that I was a disapointment.

Well the call was short and sweet, asked her a few questions that I can take with me to the doctors tomorrow. I didnt stay on too long as I just dont want to get back into all that again, it will fuck me up even more than I am now. She asked what I had been experiencing and I told her straight. I just couldnt stay on the phone though, I was nearly loosing it, dont want to do that, dont want them to think that im not coping. Of course Im not, but hey they dont need to know that. Just had a missed call from her now telling me she loves me, now theres the killer stab in my heart, jeez she knows how to do it too me. Ok must go and wipe my eyes and try to sort temporarily fucked head out.